Monday, January 31, 2011

30

I've gained about 30 pounds since September. This weekend at the gym I weighed in at 192.8. Seriously? Major sigh. I suppose it's important to remember that last year at this time I weighed 230 pounds. It's a small comfort at best.

So here we go again. I signed up for the San Francisco Marathon. I have from now until July 31 to prepare and I'm ready to start from the beginning.

I've been through a lot since crossing the finish line at the Trek. More than I can ever begin to put into words. Last year I worked so hard to become healthy and strong. I triumphed and it was exhilarating. But then I came across heartache, and like a brick wall it knocked me flat on my ass. It paralyzed me.

And so I did what I've always done. I ate my way through the pain. Well. Not quite. I actually just ate with the pain. Yep, we were lunch buddies and dinner buddies and late night snack buddies and morning munchy buddies and.....you get the idea. Why does my relationship with food have to be so entirely messed up? There is no middle ground of any kind. It's either super strict 1500 calories a day or the all you can eat sushi bar. And let me tell you, this girl can eat.

I'm trying. I'm really trying to heal. Hopefully writing this will help keep me more accountable, because I'm tired of feeling like crap and I'd really like to fit into some of my clothes again.